don't rain on my parade

I watched glee again this week and i'm very fond of this song:



happy thesis-ing everyone! :)

chapter two

Now I'm doing my chapter two while i used to be at library teaching my juniors numerical analysis for tomorrow's exam. They're totally freaking out when i'm actually freaking out of my own. My experiment result had gone weird and weirder everytime i redo it. I think my brain will pop from my skeleton after i complete this crazy experiment.

This is my desk (two minutes ago):

and this is my time-killer:

this is what i'm doing for now:

And i also have Computer & Society take home test, due next monday T____T

kensington garden

Kemaren gw ke kinokuniya (lagi) sama nyokap gw. Nyokap baru sembuh dari sakit tapi entah kenapa ngajakin gw pecicilan ke PIM ngajak makan i fu mie. Gw dibeliin buku tujuh biji sama nyokap gw! Hohoho, emang agak lebay sih dia, tapi alhamdulillah deh :D

Anyway setelah kemaren full-day procrastinating entah kenapa otak gw beku. Bikin loop aja nggak bisa lho daritadi. Si Mia juga di lab sekarang ikut-ikutan stress sambil nyanyi-nyanyi Katy Perry hahaha. Coba gw punya handycam, gw rekam tuh dia :p

Hasil percobaan gw yang harusnya cuma ratusan, eh sekarang naik digitnya jadi ribuan. Entah karena apa. Kayaknya sih logic error, salah di loopingnya, tapi entah kenapa dari satu jam yang lalu gw nggak bisa benerin itu loop. Subhanallah.. Tapi pada akhirnya bisa sih, cuma maksa dan gak bener-bener pure random. Ah sudahlah, gw nggak mau ngomong jorok disini haha.

Kalo dipikir-pikir, ada nggak ya tempat kayak Kensington Garden yang di Peter Pan? Tempat dimana gw bisa jadi anak kecil terus dan cuma inget memori-memori yang bahagia aja. Nggak ada tuh istilahnya 'logic error' atau 'undefined function or variable', apalagi istilah 'patah hati' hahahaha.

Ah sial, gw jadi curcol.

Tapi tinggal di kensington garden menurut gw menjadikan lu orang yang nggak tough dalam menghadapi hidup. Jadinya lembek dan mentalnya mental tempe. Hehe, nggak jadi ah tinggal di kensington garden. Tinggal di pamulang aja. Biarin deh mau dibilang sarang teroris XD

after you go away

I'm not dying!

Okay, i just lied, i'm dying indeed.

empat yang paling sulit di dunia adalah:

1. Menerima kenyataan
2. Mengakui kekalahan
3. Merelakan sesuatu
4. Menjalani hidup dengan normal setelah sesuatu yang buruk terjadi

Norak ya bahasa gue? Hahahaha. Tapi emang bener kok.

Tadi gw konsultasi tugas akhir sama pembimbing gw, dan entah kenapa pembimbing gw melihat ada "ketidak beresan" yang terjadi pada penampilan gw hari ini. Trus beliau juga curiga kenapa muka gw lecek begitu, dan waktu dikasih tau alesannya kenapa, beliau cuma bisa ketawa. Yaiyalah, mana ada orang lagi konsultasi TA terus berujung dengan curcol? Ya gw ini -__-"

Terus beliau ya ngasih nasehat standar ibu-ibu lah. Dia bilang kalau punya beban, itu nggak usah dibawa. Taruh aja di suatu tempat, entar juga lupa sendiri. Cukup make sense sih, tapi melaksanakan hal tersebut sangat jauh lebih sulit daripada merencanakannya. Gw berencana membuang beban gw jauh-jauh, tapi mau gimana lagi?

Yang paling sulit menurut gw yang nomor 4 tuh, menjalani hidup dengan normal setelah hal yang buruk terjadi. Life goes on, tapi kan tetep aja hal buruk pasti akan lebih membekas di otak ketimbang hal yang baik. Sekarang yang harus gw pikirkan bagaimana menghilangkan bekas itu. Nggak mungkin hilang seratus persen sih, tapi at least meminimalisir dampak kejadian itu di kehidupan gw biar nggak terlalu banyak yang hal nggak penting yang gw pikirin sekarang.

Yah, tapi bisa lah. Semuanya emang cuma butuh proses.

because i love you

I am your strength when you was weak
I am your voice when you couldn't speak
I am your eyes when you couldn't see
I saw the best there was in you
Lifted you up when you couldn't reach
I gave you faith 'cause I believed
You're everything you are
Because I loved you

la preghiera di Persephone

Perche sono così paranoica quando e accanto a lei? Non la ama? Temo che la risposta e si. Se si, allora che dire di me? So che non può essere ignoranti su questo problema. Ma faccio finta che non c'e non e successo niente perché voglio vivere la mia vita felice. Non in modo disperato e disagio.

Ma, non ha veramente mi ami? Mi sbaglio?

Egli ignora me this diversi giorni. Ancora non c'e nulla di successo tra i due, temo che ci sia qualcosa. I Qualcosa non e probabilmente mai sapere.

Dio, si prega di non portarlo via da me ...

alice says:

If i had the world of my own, everything would be nonsense
Nothing would be what it is
Because everything would be what it isn't

i'd always be beside you

This is my favourite scene on Christmas on July 24th Avenue. It's a Japanese movie about an ordinary girl named Sayuri who chasing around the prince of her dream, who is an eligible and handsome lightning designer, Satoshi Okuda.

Sayuri keep focusing on that prince and do not realize that there's someone, even he's not an eligible handsome prince, who loves her with all of his heart. Her bestfriend, Yoshio Moriyama, a comic writer.

This scene is when Sayuri tells Moriyama about she wanted a lovely christmas eve with Okuda, but instead giving Sayuri a courage to ask Okuda for a date, Okuda gives her a flip-book cartoon, then confess his love to Sayuri.

I love that flip-book cartoon anyway...

i need to redefine 'that'

When it comes to word 'friendship', everything suddenly become very sensitive. This is a very serious problem for me, because when i choose someone to be my friend, it would be forever, not just 'occasional friend' who calls when they need a help.

She did that.

And can't you imagine how sad i am?

things i cannot photograph

5 things i cannot photograph:

1. The dull ache in your heart that never seems to go away
2. The sheer high you get from going crazy
3. The immense love a heart can hold
4. The cracks in a relationship
5. The moment just before everything falls apart

i'm just afraid of losing you ...

here comes that feeling. again.

i DESPERATELY WANT to forget that feeling, but suddenly i failed. Successfully.

I hate that girl indeed. Why can't i just think positive about it?

only God knows the future

I'm planning to apply Erasmus Mundus scholarship in ALGANT (algebra, geometry, and number theory) for my master degree. It sounds tempting and delicious when Nene persuaded me to apply that scholarship. At first, i felt unsure about my ability and competence. I'm hestitating so much about my geometry ability and i felt invisible because most of my colleagues who got Erasmus Mundus was really amazing and have good GPA. Mine's good too, but not as good as their's. But when i'm rethink about it again, i feel challenged and curious about how is it like. So, let God choose my best future from me when i'm trying my best here :D

By the way, i met my thesis supervisor this lunchtime and she said that my thesis progress was promising! Sounds good? Hmmm, i think so :p

my life recently

.
Yesterday, i got my book flipped at it's cover page by my brother, and i'm so mad about that. Not just because of the book, but because of my brother's dishonest and ungentle behaviour that drive me nuts. For your info, i bought that book last Friday in Kinokuniya for 99k rupiahs and i have not even finished it yet. The book is about ancient greek descendant which live in island called Serfopaulo. This is the book (i posted the image so anyone who pity me and want to buy me the exactly new book could see how it is like :p):

Anyway, tomorrow's my DE exam. I'm freaking out.